T H E   D A I L Y   Z O G
20th- Congratulations, Klunk! Today, Captain Klunk of the Space Marines was awarded a medal for working 20 years in the Marines as Captain. Reporter: Have you always wanted to be in the Marines? Klunk: Well, I've always been interested in adventure since I was 5, and when I was 14, I got interested in the Marines. I joined at 18, and became Captain at 22. Reporter: What sort of achievement d'you feel this is? Klunk: I'm pleased with myself alot. I was awarded the prize by The Emperor Zog! Only another 10 years until I get my next medal! Reporter: Thank you, Captain Klunk, for allowing us to interview you today. Good day, Sir.	Slipper On The Loose Today, from the Primaeval Zog Experience, we received the news that a gigantic Slipper has escaped!!!!! Our reporter interviewed the Zog Chief Mr Zog Chief, what has happened? "UG OG ug OOOOOOGGGGGG!!!" This is translated into: DANGEROUS SLIPPER! Please be CAREFUL!!! The slipper was last seen at Hibbleton Park, south of Long Trimtown. The police ask you not to approach it.	Tibette Celebrates the Big Bang Madame Hermione Tibette celebrated her 500,000th explosion that has caused some kind of damage to the laboratory today. She was screaming with happiness when the reporters visited her,and she had also invited her three daughters, Ermyntrude, Ethelberta and Elizabeth over to stay. Ermyntrude had brought her son, Herbert, and Ethelberta brought her twins, Emily and Evabelle. Madame Tibette told the reporters that she would rather have a nice explosive day than be interviewed. Weather Forecast There will be a slimy night,but in the morning,sun will spread around the South,while light slime showers will fall in the North. East will be cloudy,but dry,and in the West,heavy Gloppety Glunk will fall.

 

S P O R T   A N D   F I N A N C E
Expensive Prize for International race! Yesterday, the well-known Slipper Riding Champion, Zoe Markham and her Slipper,Slime Dancer, won the Gold medal! Runners up were: Robert Canheigh,Marsh,Second,age 18 Lola Gary,Speedwell,Third,age 20 Kate McDonald,Lightening,Fourth,age 24 Bill Munnery,Zogchamp,Fifth,age 19 Miss Markham's prize was c123,000,000. Her Slipper,Slime Dancer,is now worth c1,000,000! "He's a treasure!" declares Zoe. Some pricey Slipper!	The Financial Zog THE CHOCOLATE STANDARD "FOR EVER" Herman Fnitz, head of the Zog Central Bank, declared that Zog would stay on the Chocolate standard "for the forseeable future, probably for ever". He added that the Emperor ZOG had forbidden any other action "and we don't dare naysay him". The stock market was UP thirty points last night in response to this.     GET YOUR SLIME HERE!! NEW! The NEW! fabulous sensation with BELLE'S BODYCARE SLIME REFRESHER!! Just FANTASTIC, this ultra-new lotion is the perfect potion for TRUE ZOG BEAUTY!! Only available from LUCABELLE'S LOTIONSTORE.	Young ZOG! hello zoglings! Here is a joke! KNOCK!! KNOCK!! WHO'S THERE ???! SLUGGGOOOSE!!! SLUGGGOOO'S WHO?? SLUG OOZE IS SLIMY!!!!     FLYING SAUCER COURSE Are YOU anything from an absolute beginner flyer TO... a licensed driver? Come along to the Town Hall for TIPS and TEACHING!!!! Be a WIZARD in a WEEK!! 2-4(pm) every day at the Town Hall. Admission: c2.00 per lesson. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE EFFECT!!!!!

 

 

N E W S   H E A D L I N E S
Zog Sees First "Snow"!!! Recently, Zog witnessed first "snow" (A white surface).Madame Tibette explains: "We all thought the Gobs covered the sun, and froze everything. In actual fact, it was their holograms. When I deleted them, they became warmer and formed Snow!" We are happy to announce that from now on one week a year Zog shall have Snow!!!	Old Pepperpot Sprouting??!! It has been rumored that Old Pepperpot may be sprouting a fourth canopy!! When Old Pepperpot sprouts GREAT TIMES ARE COMING TO ZOG!!! Old Horny, Chief Lumberjack, reports: "'Tis on'y a rumor, so we don't wan' crowds've Zoglin's campin' ou' next to O.P. YOU 'AVE BIN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!" O.P may be getting on, but he's still got lovely PEPPER!!!	Cartoon Crazy! Have you heard yet? It's about to become a Cartoon Phaenomenom..... What is it? DANGERSPLODGE!!! The storyline follows a couragous splodge, Dangersplodge, and his hopeless sidekick, Wiblet, the worst assistant a sotterbug could be! Together, the two try to defeat the evil Count Tentacula, and his cunning deputy, Slideous Sleech. Watch out for Dangersplodge on Saturday 4.30 pm- 5.00 pm on Channel X. Wiblet, (shown right), Danger splodge's "Trusty" Sidekick. DON'T MISS IT!!

 

 

Y O U R   L E T T E R S
Advertisments "Unsatisfactory" Dear Editor, I am surprised and shocked that your usual "trustable" advertisments turned out to be absolute frauds. I bought Belle's Bodycare, and within miliseconds, it turned me... PINK!!!!! How can you advertise such apalling products! I demand immediate compensation! Yours disgustedly, Maribella Pickleheart, Miss.	Parking Problems Dear Sir/Madam, I am absolutely shocked, horrified and disgusted at the parking situations nowadays. When I was a boy, we always gave up parking spaces to our elders! Yes, Zog has definetely gone down by level of respect. I expect instant changes, now that I have BOTHERED to display my opinion! Also, the lanes are far to busy!!! When I was a boy we always let our elders take the roads!!!! Also, jams are regular!! How dare they!! Now when I was a boy.......... (300000 paragraphs extracted) I remain, unfortunately yours, I M Boorin, Esq.	Is Rumor True?? Dear Sir, Usually, I can obviously believe your articles, but now, I am losing faith. It may interest you to know, Sir, that I live in the heart of the Great Forest, wife of a certain Lumberjack. I am astonished to see that O.P is showing no signs whatsoever of sprouting, and never has!! So, unfortunately for you, someone has found out your little game. It is apalling. Will people nowadays do anything for a scoop? Of course they will!! Yours, Mrs. Agnes Waterwilks

 

 

T O U R I S M
We Want Wurble!!!!! Are you getting in the mood for your DREAM holiday???? Do you want to really see paradise???? The answer's simple: GO TO WURBLE!!!!! With an excellently cool and wet climate, Wurble is one of the latest attractions. Wurble is renowned for its wonderful hotels and B+Bs. Only a few of the uni-famous places on Wurble are listed here: Blackslime River, The Dome of Doom, Meryl Tower and Whirring Waterways!!! To book now phone 000001265 for info on your HEAVENLY HOLS!!!!!	Touring 4 Tourists!!!! Are you bored of lazing on a sunny beach? Would you like to experience a CHANCE IN A LIFETIME? Then you're reading the right advert... THE TOUR OF WONDERS tours around the universe's most famous attractions, such as The Black Sea, The Jellyish Gardens, Pluto's Pavilion and Cadbury's Zog/Earth Correspondence CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!! Experienced saucer drivers in charge. (Automatic insurance). Book now for a SLIME SHIVERING adventure by phoning: 00006555223	Green Nose Day!!! Today all young Zogs will be wearing GREEN NOSES for charity! Every Zoglet will be laughing hysterically at the absurd Green Noses! Aswell as the kids raising money, why don't YOU!! For every holiday you book that has been advertised in The Daily Zog, 50% of the money you pay will go to charity!!!! Top on our fundraising list are Carol and Spludge McGanna, two young Zoglets who have raised c60 by selling chocolate cookies at local schools!!!! Many thanks to all participaters in Green Nose Day funding. The money will go to help homeless and disabled/ill Zogs.

 

 

M U S I C

ABFABS BRING THE HOUSE DOWN! The well known pop stars, Gothily, Saffy, Lola, Kim, and Phoebe will be touring schools near you! Individuals from stunning ABFABS will be talking about their music, playing and singing. So all young FABfans watch out!! The schools are as follows: Slogg's School - Zonk 1 - Gothily St. Zog's - Zonk 3 - Phoebe Therese's High Academy of Music - Zonk 4 - Lola Miss Lockelly's C P - Zonk 7 - Saffy Sensible's Academy - Zonk 11 - Kim Bondlebee High - Zonk 13 - Gothily Perkonvalley School - Zonk 14 - Phoebe Sir Ligby's Ensemble - Zonk 15 - Lola Maryville School - Zonk 20 - Saffy Miss Xonkelbere's School of Stage and Song - Zonk 30th - Kim Later, Saffy remarked; "We're real sorry we couldn't get round to all the schools. Our timetable this month is chocabloc full, and those were the only days available."

ZOG SWEEPS THE BOARD OF UNIVISION SONG CONTEST!! Over 2,500,000 aliens and zogs crammed in to Wurble's Hall, Wurble to view the 100th Univision Song Contest, hosted by last years winners, Wurble. Over 40 planets took part, ending with a ZOG VICTORY!!!!! Just under 75% of the Universe voted our representitives, ABFABS, the winners. It was seconded by Wurble, and followed by a frequent winner, Thoogong. ABFABS were singing their new hit, Go For Gold, which they certainly went for! Their performance was - well, ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!!!! Lead singer Gothily (above) doing her famous 'mike up my nose' Blue Crazy Saffy (shown above) In Performance!

 

 

A N D  F I N A L L Y . . .

SENSIBLE'S ACADAEMY - A TOP SCHOOL? Miss Sensible's Select Academy for Young Zoglets has been voted East Zog's top school - why? It was barely a year ago when Miss Theobald ruled that academy, not stopped even by Space Marines, but stopped by two little girls. Why, then, has it changed so dramatically in LESS than a year? Sally Wurbler, a student who experienced Miss Theobald's Academy, remarks: "Even when Miss Theobald was headteacher, it didn't stop us from having fun. We still had rubbish midnight feasts, still flicked rulers, and still failed tests. Not that Miss T was happy about us enjoying ourselves, though." "If she thought we hadn't warmed up at P.E., she'd make everyone run round the field ten times," recalls Jonas Becklecrum, "And if we talked in class, we didn't come out of her office for a month. But, like Sally said, we had fun." Ring up your comments and questions to: 00881010100.

 

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